


How to Catch a Mermaid and Why You Shouldn't

by Icandigelvis



Category: South Park
Genre: And boring humans, Elves, M/M, Mentioned Craig Tucker/Stan Marsh, Merpeople, Succubi & Incubi, Vampires, like Clyde
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 16:53:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5935873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icandigelvis/pseuds/Icandigelvis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stan and the gang go searching for big-breasted mermaids to include in their vines. Instead they find Kyle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Catch a Mermaid and Why You Shouldn't

“Dude, this is a terrible idea,” Craig contended, crossing his arms. The human scoffed in reply and continued pulling on the rope, feeling the slight burn on his palms. With his sleeves rolled up and eyebrows furrowed, he concentrated on raising the steel bars into the ceiling of the cave. The entrance of the cave was big enough for and his friends to enter with the small boat, but from the surface to the bottom it was even narrower. The old fence would surely trap whatever swam inside if Stan could drop it fast enough.

He heard Craig sigh followed by footsteps leaving but ignored his friend, walking backwards to fasten the rope onto the metal hook buried into the wall. Stan exhaled and rubbed his forehead with the back of his hand, turning to his friends with a grin.

“Now we wait.”

“Stan, are you sure-“

“Yes, Butters, I’m sure. It’s gonna be so epic,” Stan asserted, turning to point his finger at the blonde elf who huffed in question, sitting down on the rock behind him. His ears were twitching back and forth so Stan already knew he wasn’t completely okay with this. Stan didn’t let it get to him; he knew he was right and his friends were going to thank him later.

Hopefully.

“Just imagine how many revines we’re gonna get, guys! I mean, I’ve never seen a mermaid in a vine before-“

“I have,” Clyde said, raising his hand.

“Shup up, Clyde.” Stan instantly snapped.

“What makes you think she’s gonna cooperate? You’re literally catching her, against her will. Like, this is illegal, Stan,” Butters said, mimicking Craig’s crossed arms beside him.

Stan groaned and turned to Kenny who stood leaning against the cave wall. It was dark inside the cave and Kenny’s red eyes stood out in the shadow, looking intimidating. Stan was still a bit freaked out by his horns, even after 20 years of friendship. Before he could say something Kenny put up his hand and Stan grumbled while turning away.

“I’ll help you, Stan. But if the mermaid gets angry we release her immediately, okay?” Tweek said, walking up to him. Stan smiled and punched his fist against Tweek’s shoulder, the blonde almost falling to the side.

Together they went back to their boat which they had hidden behind a cliff and Stan grabbed the big diamond. Glass was heavy, damn it, and Stan had insisted they found the biggest, fake diamond in the knick-knacks store.

“She’s not gonna fall for this,” Craig scoffed; “It looks like a trap made by Huey, Dewey, and Louie.”

“Craig, seriously,” Stan scolded, straightening up to glare at his friend. “Stop being so stuck up or you’re not getting mentioned in the description,” he threatened and while the vampire rolled his eyes Stan knew it was a sensitive blow.

Stan helped Tweek with the diamond necklace, trying to adjust it across the rocks in a fashionable sense; which meant he had no idea what he was doing. They placed out the small pile of diamond-looking jewelleries and made sure the big glass diamond lied in the middle of the pile. If you entered the cave it would be the first thing you saw.

Stan glanced at his phone and nodded. Everyone knew mermaids were nocturnal and now they just had to wait.

Tweek had brought his multi headphone splitter and they watched re-runs of Smallville on Craig’s iPhone 6 plus because he had the biggest screen (and was real cocky about it). The group sat huddled behind some rocks, Stan and Kenny sharing ear phones as they were on guard to listen for any mermaids entering the cave. Which just meant Kenny was on guard together with Craig who even had two earphones in, both their hearing the most developed. Stan just wanted to pretend to himself he was contributing; it was his idea after all.

When both Kenny and Craig looked up, Tweek paused the episode. Everyone stilled and Stan looked at Kenny who nodded, both removing their headphones as they carefully stood up. It was incredibly dark in the cave by now and Stan wished he had night vision like the blonde incubus in front of him. He gave up trying to follow across the cave’s rocky floor and watched instead as Kenny crept forwards in the shadows, his eyes scanning the water.

Stan could hear his heartbeat in his ears while trying to quieten his breathing, as that he had control over at least. ‘So this was what Craig heard all the time?’ he thought. Stan couldn’t remember if mermaids could hear very well, they were under water after all, so maybe not. He knew they were immensely fast and dangerous if angered. Suddenly he started doubting this idea, looking back and forth at Kenny and the water where the moon was reflecting against the surface.

Kenny had made his way to the rope and stood completely still, eyes scanning the water. Stan counted his heart beats.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

And then the metal bars hit the water in a loud splash followed by a bang underwater and hopefully blocked off the exit for the mermaid who Stan _really_ hoped Kenny had caught. He watched Craig walk by him towards the edge and he followed, watching the water. The surface was blurry as the bars had fallen in, but as the waves stilled Stan could make out something green moving on the bottom. It wasn’t very far down – it had to be just around two metres – but he saw something move down there. Then it slammed into the bars and Stan jumped at the sound, taking a step backwards.

“Hey, come up. We just wanna talk,” Kenny spoke in a collected voice and Stan looked at him, having to remind himself Kenny had worked with merpeople before. Apparently they were the most pissy when they hadn’t eaten in a while, which really applied to any creature in Stan’s opinion. Though Craig was probably the worst while Kenny just got depressed.

Stan didn’t step close to the water as he was most likely weaker than a mermaid; an angry one at that. Craig and Kenny were his best shots and were both standing right by the edge, looking down. There was another bang heard underwater and Stan’s legs were twitching to walk forwards and see what was going on. It wasn’t the bars that were being hit but the walls or bottom of the cave which led him to believe the mermaid was slamming her tail against them in threat. He had seen them do so in documentaries in school, almost shuddering at the thought. While the teeth and claws were dangerous, the tail was all muscle.

“Butters?” Kenny asked, turning to the elf standing behind Stan. The human received a small glare before he passed him and walked up to the edge, crouching in front of it. Stan felt a wave of jealousy hit him as he had to stay back with the humans.

“Lle quena i'lambe tel' Eldalie?” Butters spoke, looking down into the water. It only took a couple of seconds before a head appeared above the surface, a mess of red hair and a pair of angry eyes scanning the room.

“Kwí,” the mermaid hissed back, her eyes now only on Butters.

“How about English?” Kenny asked and the mermaid didn’t reply, not even batting an eye at him.

“Amin hiraetha, lye-“ Butters started but was interrupted, the mermaid rising from the water.

“Mani uma lle merna?” Only then did Stan realize that the mermaid’s boobs were very small, in fact, completely non-existent.

Damn it. They had caught a merman.

“Lle holma ve' edan,” said merman spat and Stan had studied enough Elvish to know what that meant. ‘You smell like a human’ was a well-known insult among non-humans and Stan sighed, walking into sight.

“Hey, man. I’m sorry, okay?” he said, watching the man in the water turn to him, his green eyes piercing. As Stan closed in on the merman he let his eyes look him over; his ears were pointed just like Butter’s, but much longer. He was wearing small gemstones and crystals in symmetrical patterns on his temples and down below his eyes. The biggest one adorned his forehead, a large green stone which glimmered in the moonlight.

“We thought we could get a mermaid in one of our vines, you know? If you don’t want to that’s fine,” he said. Butters stood up from his crouch and walked back to stand beside Stan.

“What the fuck is a vine?” the merman spoke in a heavy ocean accent, it was very similar to Russian- or Ukrainian English. His sharp teeth were made for crushing fish bones and his claws for fucking up annoying sharks. Jeesh, Stan thought. What had he thought? That they’d find a willing, big breasted mermaid who’d suck his dick to get in the video.

“It’s a video thing, on the phone,” Kenny said, waving his phone in the air and the merman narrowed his eyes. Cell phones were still a sensitive subject for the merpeople and while most phone companies were working hard at constructing phones deep underwater, it took too much time and too many resources. Apparently the biggest problem was getting the internet down far enough as the merpeople didn’t want to lounge up by beaches and in ‘human-piss’.

“If you want to it would be awesome. We’ll pay you,” Kenny said, smiling. Stan could tell he was using his charming smile as he found it hard to look away from the enchanting grin but at the sound of a ‘tsk’ he looked down at the merman who rolled his eyes. Apparently mermen weren’t affected by incubi then.

“What could you possibly offer me?” he spat and Stan stared at Kenny expectantly, also wondering what they could possibly offer.

“Stan’s got a really nice watch,” he suggested and the human was quick to hold it against his chest, hiding it with his other hand, glaring at the incubus. Way to throw him under the bus. The merman looked over at him and narrowed his eyes, the tail moving calmly in the water under him.

“Is it waterproof?” the merman asked and Stan felt like rolling his eyes.

“Is it- it’s not up for trading!” he exclaimed, taking a step backwards.

“Stan, come on. We’ve caught a mermaid, just like you wanted. Now you have to own up to it,” Clyde said in his nasal voice from the stone he sat on, head in his hands.

“Clyde, shut up,” Stan huffed.

“This is Armani,” Stan glared at Kenny who just stared back, looking bored.

“I’ll do it for the watch,” the merman said from the water and Stan watched the smirk crawl onto Kenny’s face.

That asshole.

“You’re all gonna pressure me into this?” Stan asked, turning around to look at the group. Tweek was the only one who didn’t meet his eyes as he was pretending to inspect the sleeves on his jacket. Craig had walked over to sit beside him, looking close to falling asleep. As if he actually could.

“The merman could prosecute against you. You basically kidnapped him,” Clyde deadpanned and Stan slowly looked back at him to glare.

“Shut up, Clyde,” Stan hissed again and turned back to the water.

“Fine, but I’m getting two videos. And photos,” Stan demanded and the merman took a moment to think before he nodded, swimming to the edge where he raised his hand. Water was dripping off his elbow that he placed on the floor, his open hand inviting Stan to shake his. The merman’s smirk was enough for Stan to decline the handshake.

“Yeah, no, I’m fine here,” he said and Craig snorted behind him.

~~~’~~~*~~☽~~*~~~’~~~

Stan was discussing his ideas which 6-second videos would be the funniest. He knew they had a majority of female followers and his topless videos usually got a lot more views than the other ones. Stan had a little series with himself surrounded by un-humans which often played on humanity’s weaknesses or their fear of vampires and werewolves. Those usually got a lot of revines as well.

Craig was the one who could hold his breath the longest and got into his swim trunks, sitting on the edge of the rocks. They would have him record the merman, who they learned was named Kyle, swimming up towards Stan with the Jaws soundtrack in the background. He was slipping on the waterproof case for his phone as Stan walked up to him, scratching the back of his neck.

“What is it, Stan?” Craig asked, not looking up at him from his position at the floor, legs in the water.

“…is the water cold?” Stan asked, sitting down beside Craig. He was already in his swim trunks as well, the green ones with _Skittles_ written over his ass.

“Stop being such a chicken. You wanted to do this,” Craig scolded, briefly glancing up at him. Stan scoffed, pretending like he didn’t understand what Craig meant. Instead he stared at his feet in the water, tapping them up and down. His attention, however, was on the merman in the corner of his eyes. Kyle was currently talking to Kenny and Stan found himself looking at the back fin positioned on the merman’s back, a fan of spikes standing straight out.

“Dude, stop worrying. He’s not gonna try anything. Ken-doll’s already loving him,” Craig assured him, bumping his shoulder. Stan sighed, splashing his feet some more. While he trusted Craig’s words he still couldn’t get rid of the nervousness in his gut; something felt a little off.

He collected his courage and walked around to the other side, fidgeting with his watch. Butters helped him put on the assorted jewelries they had originally brought only to lure a mermaid in with. It was dark in the cave but Stan put on his sunglasses too, making Butters and Tweek laugh at the image. He was adored with rings and necklaces, flexing his muscles.

It was the first take and they were allowed to fuck up. They could just start over if they weren’t pleased with the cut. Craig stood in front of him and filmed Stan flexing, grinning, and looking pretty stupid in only his bathing shorts, jewellery and sunglasses. He recorded him saying; “Ready for the beach,” before he cut and crawled into the water. Stan watched Craig and Kyle swim to the bottom, the vampire motioning to Kyle with his hands. They were done filming in just a couple seconds and Craig swam up to show the eager Stan the finished video. He would have to add the jaws soundtrack later but Stan was already pleased with the video.

They ended up creating two more videos and Stan was no longer afraid to get into the water with Kyle. No one had raised the bars by the entrance yet but Stan ignored the thought when he figured he should because, while Kyle seemed cool, the ocean was filled with many more dangers. Especially to humans. He didn’t want any sirens or kelpie horses swimming inside.

Kenny had gotten into the water with only his underwear and so had Butters, to Stan’s surprise. They were jokingly hitting their horns against each other’s, Butters so small they were barely visible in his blonde hair and Kenny’s giant but not as sharp. Stan shuffled away from them, giving the pair a disgusted look. Could they not be so couple-y right beside Stan?

“Hey, can you really shine underwater?” Stan asked out of the blue, leaning back against the edge of the cave floor.

Kyle nodded, his hands still picking with Stan’s watch, inspecting it. Craig was sitting above Stan on the floor, as all vampires (and cats) he hated water, but kept his legs in to occasionally kick Stan. The human could tell he was getting fidgety, even as he’d probably blame it on being bored. Stan had known Craig for a couple of years now and they had comically met through ‘work’. When Stan was high up in studies and low on cash in high school he had gotten himself an illegal job through Kenny; working as a donor. Craig wasn’t his first client but a much ruder Heidi who he only worked for a couple of months. Then Craig was second and as they met up once a week, they got to know each other. Randomly getting into the same class as your client turned out to be less awkward than Stan had expected. Instead he got a friend from the start and the vampire was eventually the one to introduce Stan to the app called Vine.

Then Craig met Tweek, through a friend if Stan remembered correctly, and the two became best friends within a week. Stan knew they were a thing, everybody knew, but Tweek was also still underage and by his shy behaviour, probably not a sex-freak. Which meant Craig hadn’t ‘gotten any’ in more than a year, to Stan’s enjoyment. His pleasure in seeing Craig frustrated and pissed off wasn’t only because it fed his amusement but because he wasn’t too far off a year himself.  
Stan was still a donor for Craig and even though they were friends, getting paid after each session still worked out. If they had become something, as they temporarily were heading towards in their second year of high school, things would have been awkward. Humans who were married to vampires and were also their donors didn’t exactly get paid for the blood, and Stan was happy he could ignore all that together. Not like he would have ever put a ring on Craig, even if they fucked a couple of times or not.

Not like they ever did.

Nope, definitely not.

Those 3 times didn’t count.

Stan was brought out of his thoughts as he felt a pair of eyes on him, looking up to meet Kyle’s. His eyes were intimidating, even more than Kenny’s bright red ones. Said incubus called the name of the merman, making Kyle turn his head. Stan let his eyes trail down his neck and below the surface, the water still enough for him to shamelessly stare at Kyle’s chest. He wasn’t too muscular; didn’t have abs like Stan’s, (to the human’s relief) but he definitely wasn’t unfit.

The gems on his forehead shone in the light and made Kyle’s piercing eyes stand out, which in that second snapped over to Stan’s again, a breath catching in his throat.

“Stan, Butters, did you guys eat before you got here?” Tweek asked behind him and Stan turned around, shaking his head, happy to get distracted before Kyle would ask him why he was staring.

“No, I’m really hungry,” he declared, looking over at Clyde who was still on his phone.

“Yeah, me too,” he nodded, pushing his legs out in front of him.

Stan got out of the water, running over to his bag where his towel was stuffed inside, wrapping it around himself. He heard his friends starting to talk about leaving as he ran around a cliff to put on his dry clothes, throwing his towel at Kenny when he was done, as the incubus probably hadn’t brought one.

Stan walked over to raise the bars to the cave again, feeling Kyle’s eyes on him. When he was done Kenny helped him cut the rope and place the metal fence piece against the wall. It had been there when they found it and most likely belonged to a boat at some point.

Butters and Tweek were the first ones to get into the boat, sitting in the front.

“I could really go for a big mac,” Kenny said as he jumped inside with Stan’s towel around his shoulder plus his and Clyde’s bag, said human following behind.

“Please, no,” Stan heard Butters whine and he chuckled back where he stood crouching by his bag, stuffing everything inside. His wallet had broken only a week ago and he accidently dropped it while searching for his shirt inside his backpack, his cards falling everywhere. Kyle had fetched him the two bus cards that had fallen into the water, the human thanking him with a smile.

“So, do you normally try to catch people for them to cooperate with you?” Kyle asked, leaning on his arms on the edge, his green eyes watching Stan. The human gave him a pleading look.

“Stop,” he moaned and Kyle laughed, Stan feeling the corners of his mouth twitch. Kyle’s smile was really contagious, even as he made fun of him. His red mess of hair had already dried and the curls looked soft, so much that Stan felt his fingers twitch to reach forwards to run through it.

“Thanks though, you really helped us out,” he smiled, then nodded towards his watch on Kyle’s wrist, “even though you stole my new watch.” It wasn’t really that new but he loved the design and would most likely order a new, identical one when he got home. Bless his job.

“It’s pretty,” the merman commented, holding his arm above water to adore it.

“Stan, let’s go,” Craig called, Stan looking up to see him waiting by the boat. The human walked over and crawled inside the already stuffed boat, stepping on Craig’s foot before sitting down on the empty seat, squished in between said vampire and Clyde.

“It was nice meeting you, Kyle,” Kenny turned to call while he was starting up the small electrical motor, Stan pushing the battery box into place under his seat.

Kyle must have waved because Stan didn’t hear anything but when he looked up the merman was gone. His eyes were absently stuck to the cave as they drove further and further away from it, Craig finally bumping his elbow at him.

“They’re discussing restaurants,” he mumbled and Stan blinked, his eyes meeting Kenny’s who was sitting in front of him, eyeing him as well. Stan cleared his throat and stood to turn around, looking at his feet instead. Somehow, he didn’t feel that exited for McDonalds or KFC.

~~~’~~~*~~☽~~*~~~’~~~

Stan was sitting on his bed, only mildly interested in the movie on his TV screen. Craig was sitting beside him, working on editing two of the vines, occasionally asking the human for opinions. They were still sharing an apartment which made it easier to record videos and other media together. Though, for example, their podcast didn’t have as many followers as their Instagram account did, they made more money of that media service because of the ads.

“Okay, I’m uploading,” Craig said beside him and Stan looked over, watching the videos replay a few times before he nodded, handing him his phone. Craig uploaded one video on his channel and one on Stan’s.

“There, done. Now; I’m hungry,” Craig muttered, reaching over to place the laptop on the floor. Stan tiredly chuckled.

“No shit,” he said, grabbing his own phone to plug in the charger on his side of the bed. He scooted forward and waited for Craig to sit back against the pillows before he moved back to sit in-between his legs. In the beginning, this position had been a little awkward but it was the most convenient for both of them; while Craig got to feed off the neck which he preferred, Stan got his hands free and could continue watching the movie.

The vampire started nosing over the skin, his hair sometimes ticking against the side of his face. Stan didn’t get nervous after so many years and tapped his fingers against the bedsheets. He didn’t even flinch as Craig pushed his fangs into his skin, getting to work immediately. A slight furrow of his eyebrows was prominent on Stan’s face at the discomfort, but other than that he focused on the movie. Then he was reminded how boring it was and looked down at his bag. Fishing out his wallet he figured he could sort through the displaced cards as he had gotten his new one on the mail today.

Slowly stretching forwards Craig growled into his neck but followed forwards as Stan reached to grab the bag which contained his new wallet. He unpackaged it, leaning back against Craig’s cold body again. While he was sorting through his cards his eyes caught onto something he didn’t recognize. Picking it up, he realized it was one of his bus cards and on one side a set of numbers had been scratched onto the surface, prominent against the blue colour.

Stan stared at them, running his finger against the 5.

“Is this code for something?” he mumbled, knowing Craig was looking at the card too. He was still feeding and Stan dropped his arm, turning the card over again to look for other details. Just a minute later Craig finished, licking over the two holes and Stan just leaned away, showing him the card again.

“It’s his mail number,” Craig said, licking his lips and standing up on the bed to walk around him. "You know, for the marine mail.”

The vampire sat down in front of him, still licking his lips and Stan briefly glanced at him then down at the numbers again.

Then he blushed.

“You think?”

“It has to be. 4 digits first. This is the area code and then that’s the personal number, I think,” he pointed and Stan stared at the card again. He looked up at Craig and then down at the card, repeating a couple times.

“Seems like you got hit on by a fish,” Craig remarked, a toothy smirk growing onto his face.

~~~’~~~*~~☽~~*~~~’~~~

It only took a week before Stan got the courage to send Kyle a message. He wasn’t exactly sure how private the marine mail system was but he thought he got the basic picture after some google-ing. From what he gathered it was like a public phone, but a computer, and the merpeople would have to log in to see their own mail. It was also positioned pretty far down, 2000 m below, which was a lot lower than Stan had expected. He knew there were many different kinds of merpeople but from what google also taught him, Kyle was a Zaronian merman. At least he thought so, if the green tail was anything to go by.

He had to create an account and some other jazz before he finally got to the page ‘NEW MESSAGE’. He stared at the blank message box on his laptop’s screen and scratched his arm, leaning back in his chair.

He started writing but constantly found himself looking up to see if he spelled everything correctly;

“Hello, Kyle. This is Stan, the human who sort of detained you from freedom a while back. I hope you didn’t accidently scribble these numbers on the bus-“

He furrowed his eyebrows and removed the last line. Obviously Kyle didn’t fucking _accidentally_ write them down and Stan continuing instead with;

“I’m not sure if you just wanted me to link the finished videos to you but the links are here and here. I’m really happy with both of them and if you have the time I would love to work with you again! I think Butters (the blonde elf) is already planning to go as a merman for this Halloween. Maybe you could give him some tips?”

Stan re-read his message a couple times before figuring he should keep it short and sort of light, friendly; less awkward. He added a “Goodbye” and pressed send, closing his laptop with a sigh afterwards.

~~~’~~~*~~☽~~*~~~’~~~

“Man, you got a lot of views on that guitar prank,” was the first thing Kenny said when he walked up to his friend’s table, Butters right behind him.

“I know, I’m really surprised,” Stan said, scooting over to make room for the two. Craig was sitting with his arm on Tweek’s chair, the blonde sipping on his large coffee. He looked up to greet Kenny and Butters but then back down to stare at the weird stain on the table.

“Did you check the schedule for the panel?” Craig asked Kenny who nodded, fishing out his phone to hand it over.

“The meetup is afterwards, like we wanted,” he replied, rubbing his eyes after sitting down.

“Do you want some?” Stan asked, sliding his barely touched cheese cake over to Kenny and Butters who both looked at him with suspicious eyes.

“What? I just didn’t like it,” he admitted, taking out his own phone and asking for Craig to send him the screenshot of the schedule. It would be their third panel and fan-meetup and they were all going to LA together in a month. It was only Stan, Craig and Kenny who had gotten their fame from the internet but Butters and Tweek were going as well, maybe Clyde too if he had time. He and Tweek were the only ones currently studying, Craig having finished his studies already. Stan and Kenny would every-so-often high-five about not having any student loans. But then Sharon would come around and admire Shelly’s PhD whenever Stan was over and hanging in the living room.

Stan’s phone let out a beep and he glanced down at the screen, a new email appearing. As he expected some kind of newsletter it took him a while to understand what MM#452631 meant. He tried to act unsuspicious as he leaned to the side and tilted his phone so only he could read the email as he opened it.

And with Butters trying to peek at his screen, Stan found himself getting invited to a date with the merman Kyle.

~~~’~~~*~~☽~~*~~~’~~~

“This is such trash. Like, I get why not many might date merpeople in the first place, because you know; _fucking water_. But man, it’s like I have to get naked on the first date!” Stan exclaimed, throwing his swim trunks against the wall.

“I thought you said this wasn’t a date,” Craig remarked, still sitting on his bed as he had when Stan stormed inside with a pile of swim trunks.

“What? What- no, it’s not,” Stan stuttered, turning to look at him. Craig shrugged but continued his mashing of the controller instead, a new blue one in his hands. Stan chuckled and by Craig’s quick glare he didn’t say anything more; the vampire was so butthurt over breaking controller after controller.

“I should just get one of those ugly, full-body suits with the fake formal suit print on the front,” he grumped and walked over to pick up the swim trunks again.

“Just go with the blue ones,” Craig said, his eyes still on the TV screen. Stan held the pair up in front of him, judging them.

“Okay,” he complied and went back into his room together with his many swim trunks. It was only an hour before he was supposed to meet with Kyle down by the harbour. He had only been in a marine park once before, which was with his school when he was like, 7 or something. There had been a fat merman there as their tour guide but Stan only remembered having fun and playing in the water. And Clyde peeing himself.

Stan took the bus and kept rubbing his hands on his wrist and fidgeting with his new watch, the band feeling rough and too tight. In his bag was two sets of swim trunks and one towel along with miscellaneous crap like his reading glasses, sunglasses and chewing gum. Craig had walked in on him doing push-ups this morning and he had assured him, many, many times that it wasn’t because he was going on a date with Kyle.

‘And it’s not a date, Craig, damn it!’

Then again, Stan couldn’t tell himself it wasn’t one. Ever since he left the cave, Kyle had been constantly popping up in his mind. It wasn’t only because of his merman-ness, which all in itself, was incredibly interesting. But also Kyle as a person, the way he spoke, the way he thought of things and the way his eyes would stay on Stan just a couple seconds more than necessary. Which was also the reason for his nervousness.

When he showed up he had to show his ID at the entrance, which he had no idea he would have and was just happy he brought it. He shuffled into the changing rooms and jumped into his swimming trunks, no one else in there. It was a sunny day of summer and Kyle would have expected more people but he didn’t spot that many as he entered the actual park. It was a lot bigger than he expected; he had only seen it from outside a couple times but it stretched far out into the ocean. He had his phone in the waterproof case, bringing it up to look at the time. He wasn’t sure where Kyle was expecting to meet up with him but took a few steps down into the water, figuring he could check his Instagram page.

“Hello! Are you here for the book club?” a female voice brought him from his thoughts, looking up to stare at a blonde mermaid, wearing a dress.

“Uh, no, sorry,” he said and she excused herself, swimming away towards a group of people sitting by some chairs underwater.

Man, this was weird.

“Why not, don’t you like books?” someone asked behind him and Stan spun around to lock eyes with a familiar green pair. He smiled and reached out his hand to this time shake Kyle’s.

“I do, but I’m here for something else,” he said and only realized afterwards how flirty it sounded. Kyle raised his eyebrows, looking impressed and Stan tried to fight the blush that crawled up his chest. Instead he figured getting into the water was the best way, so he was Kyle’s level. There were stairs leading downwards and Stan could spot an automatic vacuum cleaner at the bottom. Stan walked along the stairs that had him chest deep in the water, following the ‘park’ outwards.

“Did you see the videos, by the way?” Stan asked, his phone in the pockets of his swim trunks. No matter how many times he used the waterproof case he was always afraid it was going to leak somehow.

“I did, my little brother is way into vine-culture. He knew of you,” Kyle said and Stan looked down at him, surprise evident on his face.

“Oh really? That’s so cool,” he grinned and made it a mental note to message Kenny and Craig about it. They weren’t only worldwide famous, but worlddeep famous.

“We live in the third zone, Zaron, so we actually have our own marine screens. Do you know much about merpeople?” Kyle asked, his accent a little tricky but definitely beautiful to Stan.

“Uh, not really. I mean we learn some basics in school but I haven’t gotten to know one before,” he said, pushing away from the platform under him to swim instead. Kyle followed beside him with much more grace and no splashing at all, compared to Stan who embarrassingly went back to walking on the floor underwater instead.

“My people value wealth and belongings, just like yours and apart from the elves. As you probably know we like jewels and gems,” he explained, gesturing to his forehead where the stones were fastened, different ones and changed patterns this time. The large green one was the same, Stan could tell.

He curiously looked down at Kyle’s arm in the water and almost grinned when he saw his watch still on his wrist.

“Does it still work?” he asked and Kyle followed his eyes to his wrist, bringing it up above water. The second hand was still ticking and Stan made an impressed face.

“If it ever stops, I’ll help you fix it,” he smiled and Kyle thanked him, running a hand through his hair.

“I know you humans value these so I brought two,” he said, his hands digging into the small pouch he had tied around his waist. Stan hadn’t even noticed it before as it was almost the same green as Kyle’s scales. Inside his palm rested two very large pearls, one white and another one with a purple swirling pattern on the outside.

“Oh, wow. Thanks, you really didn’t have to,” Stan assured him but accepted the two gems, inspecting them in front of his eyes.

“I got your watch,” Kyle chuckled and Stan figured; “Eh, okay then,” which in turn made Kyle laugh. Stan pocketed the two pearls, watching Kyle laugh with a grin.

~~~’~~~*~~☽~~*~~~’~~~

Before Stan knew it the sun was starting to set and he looked out through the glass walls at the orange globe slowly disappearing over the horizon. He and Kyle were sitting on couch-like thing, their lower halves in the water and the upper above, Stan’s wrapped in his towel.

“-But she wasn’t happy with it, so in the end, I won,” Kyle grinned beside him.

“Well, congratulations. Do you do shoot professionally?” Stan asked, trying to imagine Kyle with a bow and arrow made from shark bones and red kelp. The sport seemed bizarre to say the least, but when he thought about it, humans had definitely invented much weirder shit.

“No, I only do the teaching,” he replied, his tail pushing him further up the seat. Stan nodded, turning back to look at the sunset in front of them.

Wow, this felt really cheesy.

“I’ll probably have to go soon. I’m working night,” Kyle said.

“You teach in the night?”

“We’re nocturnal, remember?” Kyle snickered.

“Oh, yeah,” he exclaimed, already having earlier apologized when he realized this would originally be sleeping time for the merman.

“I’ve had a really nice time though,” Kyle smiled beside him, pushing himself forwards in the seat. Stan grinned, agreeing.

“Even though I kind of look like a raisin, I did too,” he assured him. Kyle kept his eyes on him for a few more seconds than allowed in the ‘Friend-Rules Book’ and Stan took the courage to lean forwards.

Kyle’s lips were a lot softer than he expected. He imagine they would be rough from the pressure of the water but they were gentle and smooth against his. Stan’s stubble was ticking Kyle’s cheeks and his lower lip as he moved to suck on Stan’s. He surprised the human with his eagerness and Stan turned to sit back as Kyle crawled into his lap.

Kyle was a much better kisser than Stan, to the human’s wonder and Stan brought up his game by running his hands down Kyle’s sides. The redhead moaned into his mouth and Stan found out his hands fitted perfectly against Kyle’s hips, right where his scales faded into skin. Right where they would stay for another hour. Right where he would hold him so many more times.


End file.
